


Nothing

by LordessScribes



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Minor Violence, Post Secret Endings, established relationships - Freeform, saeran gets punched, v's alive, warning strong discussions of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 08:10:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14972861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordessScribes/pseuds/LordessScribes
Summary: Saeran decides to visit Rika in the hospital as part of his therapy.





	Nothing

Saeran really hated hospitals. 

He, of course, had a plethora of valid reasons to hate them. That didn’t stop him from feeling like that particular hatred was invalid. He felt like a lot of his negative emotions were invalid. That, too wasn’t his fault. It still felt like it was, though. 

This hospital, however, was unpleasant for nearly everyone there. Psychiatric hospitals had this near constant air of being sad and scary. At least normal hospitals could claim they were healing people. 

Saeran had people with him, though. This wasn’t where he had to stay. He wasn’t bad enough to be here. He’d come as a visitor. A visitor. 

Yoosung held his hand as an anchor. He was the reason Saeran hadn’t panicked and run back out the door. Saeyoung was there too, he could feel his brother’s eyes on him at all times. Saeyoung’s presence did two things; made him feel less afraid of hurting someone since he could be subdued by him, and made him feel tough enough to actually follow through with this. MC was there as a comfort to Saeyoung. She shouldn’t have come with them. She didn’t deserve to watch whatever unpleasant things happened. 

“Her room is this way.” The nurse was saying to them as they passed the insomniacs’ ward. “You’ll be able to view her from the visitor’s room, and enter hers to talk to her… if-if you wish to.” 

She paused, then turned the handle. 

Three things registered to Saeran. One, he was suddenly on the ground. Two, his cheek was stinging like a bitch. Three, the nurse screamed but seemed to be quickly cut off.  

“ _ Saeran!” _

_ “What the hell was that for?”  _

_ “Are you insane!”  _

_ “What is he doing here?!” _ a lot of voices spoke at once. His head was ringing and there were stars when he tried to see. He’d been punched. Quickly assessing that it could’ve been worse, Saeran blinked rapidly, trying to clear his eyes. 

“Saeran are you alright? Can you hear me?” Yoosung sounded close to him, probably kneeling down with him. 

“Didja get the number of that bus?” he managed to slur. 

“Is he ok?” Saeyoung asked. 

“I- I’m not sure? I think he made a joke!” Yoosung sounded confused. He blinked his eyes several times to clear his head enough to take in the scene. 

Yoosung was kneeling beside him, MC was clutching the terrified nurse and mumbling something about not calling the doctor or security, Saeyoung was holding someone back.

No. V. He was holding back V. 

A very alive V.  

Saeran swallowed, then managed to nod. “Yeah alright, deserved it then. That’s a comfort.” He grabbed the doorway to stand up. 

V was shaking, easily the most enraged anyone there had ever seen him look. His eyes were murderous, first at Saeran, then at Saeyoung. He realized belatedly that he wasn’t wearing his sunglasses. 

“What the hell, Luciel?!” V demanded. 

“Don’t call me that.” 

“What is he doing here?” 

“The same thing you are! Moping!” 

“Don’t joke about this, asshole, he-“ 

Saeran cleared his throat, drawing their attention. “I’m right here you know.” 

V didn’t look like he wanted to speak directly to him, eyes narrowing further and jaw clenching, but after a moment, he stepped back. Saeyoung moved away as the fight drained out of his posture and he sat down on the chairs. 

Somewhere during all of this, Yoosung had found his hand again. Though Saeran was watching the additional visitor with blank eyes, Yoosung was glaring. 

“Yoosung, MC, Saeyoung… can you give us a minute.” Saeran’s eyes didn’t leave V’s face. His words weren’t really a question. 

Saeyoung stepped away, matching his twin’s expression. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. What’s the worse he could do? Kill me?” V’s eyes narrowed. Ok maybe jokes of that caliber were still insensitive. 

Saeyoung squinted. “I don’t particularly trust your mindset here.” 

“This should be no different than my mindset anywhere.” 

“Please don’t get yourself killed.” 

“That’s your job.” 

“...I’m leaving before I laugh at your weird-ass, situationally inappropriate humor.” Saeyoung quickly stepped around him, taking MC’s hand (and the nurse still attached to her arm) with him as he went. Yoosung didn’t move.

Saeran waited to see if peer pressure would affect him, then sighed and finally broke eye contact with V. “I’ll be fine. Please.” His eyes softened and he brushed his hand along Yoosung’s shoulder and cheek, mimicking the gesture that Yoosung typically used to calm him down. V glanced between the two in disbelief. “Just give me a few minutes.” 

Yoosung looked stubborn for a moment longer, then nodded, squeezed his hand, and closed the door on his way out. 

It was quiet in the viewing room. Probably not so much in Rika’s. The long window gave them a decent view of her pacing back and forth, occasionally moving something from one of the desks to the other. 

“The hospital gowns don’t suit her.” Saeran said, offhandedly. He folded his arms, ignoring V’s death eyes. “Then again. Neither does madness.” He plopped down in a chair, leaving one between the two, just in case. “Not that it ever suited her.” 

V still hadn’t said anything. 

“You look well.” Saeran was entirely too relaxed in this situation. 

“You look like crap.” 

“To be fair, you were mostly blind when I was at my worst, so you can’t compare me to that. So I suppose, from that viewpoint, you aren’t wrong.” Definitely too relaxed, and too casual. “Nice eyes, by the way. Don’t think I ever saw ‘em.” 

“Spare me.” 

“Nice negativity too. It’s refreshing.” V exhaled heavily through his nose and Saeran half expected to be punched again. 

In her room, Rika sat down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. She looked pretty damn miserable. 

“So, there are a couple elephants in the room, might as well start with the biggest.” He looked away from the one-way mirror. “You’re not dead.” 

“You have rotten aim.” V deadpanned. 

“That’s what happens when you’re more drugged up and mind fucked than human anymore.” Shit. He hadn’t wanted to accuse him of anything. Saeran’s entire plan for seeing Rika kinda got thrown out the window upon seeing V. He paused then added, “I’m glad you aren’t dead, though.” 

Saeran pretends to not notice the look V gives him. It’s… conflicted. Pitying? Sad? Worried? Just a hint of the old V showing through. 

“Saw you die though, which is kinda weird.” 

“I passed out from shock. There’s a difference.” 

“You always did have a lousy pain tolerance.” 

“You talk as though we knew each other well at all.” 

Saeran paused. “Yeah. That’s fair. I knew you better than almost anybody else though. After Rika, you were the closest thing I had to a friend, however I treated you.” 

“Seems like being treated badly by those that care about me is a trend in my life.” 

“Of everyone I’ve met, you got the shortest end of the stick.” Saeran agreed. 

They were quiet for a long beat. In the room, Rika glanced around in confusion, then crawled into her bed, curling up underneath the covers. 

“So why didn’t I get word that you were alive?” 

“I told them not to. Didn’t want to deal with it. I think, after everything, I deserve to not have to deal with that, y’know?” 

“I can respect that.” 

He waited another beat, then added, “Rika doesn’t know either.” 

Saeran didn’t have a response for that. V’s ‘death’ was the main cause of her mental state, and he distinctly recalled V saying he’d love her no matter what. Saeran wondered what had finally knocked sense into him. 

He suspected it had been the bullet. 

There was a soft knock at the door, before Yoosung’s face poked in.

His eyes darted to Rika first, then to Saeran and V sitting in the chairs. “Is uhh, everything ok?” 

“Yeah I-“ 

“Give us two more minutes, Yoosung.” V cut him off, earning a suspicious look from Saeran. Yoosung glanced at him, looking for confirmation, which Saeran offered in a shrug. 

“Ok.”  the door clicked shut again. 

V stared at the spot he’d just vacated for a long moment, then turned his eyes on Saeran. “You don’t deserve him.” 

“Golly gee, never thought something like that before. It’s like I don’t have intrusive thoughts telling me that every day or something.” 

“At least you’re aware of yourself. Yoosung’s a good person, he deserves better.” 

“Uh huh.” 

“It’s selfish to keep him around like that.” 

“Yup.” 

“It was selfish to bring him here.” 

“Yup.” 

“It was selfish to tell him what happened.” 

“Nope.” V looked equal parts pleased and annoyed when Saeran finally disagreed with him. 

“Yes it was. After how torn up he was about her disappearing, telling him the truth is cruel.” 

“Maybe if you want to coddle him and treat him like an idiot. He’s not a child, V, and he deserved to know the truth.” Saeran, at least, knew a bit more about this subject, finally. “Rika is his family.” 

“What gave you the right to tell him?” 

“Personal involvement and personal connection.” 

V snorted bitterly. “Back to, you not being good for him.” 

“As much as I heartily agree with that sentiment, you really have no right to decide that sort of thing. I get the feeling he’d be upset if he heard our conversation right now.” 

“How would you know?” 

“I actually talk to him and care about him? You think I haven’t brought that up to him before? Even if neither of us think I’m good for him, he sees differently and again, he’s a grown-ass adult that can make his own decisions.” Saeran didn’t like talking about him when he wasn’t there with them. 

“You don’t think your situation influences these decisions at all?” 

“Yeah, and we’ve talked about it before. One of the reasons I-... we’re together is because he’s one of the only people who treats me like a person, and not as a survivor or casualty. He lets me feel… normal.” he paused, considering. “I’m not sure if you could, since, while you actions are justified and human, they kind of stem from the whole survivor situation.” 

“Hm.” V hummed, looking away again. There was another few seconds of quiet between the two again. “So, what brings you here, then? Since you didn’t know I was alive it couldn’t have been me.” 

“I get the feeling Saeyoung planned this, actually. Well- not the punching thing, but us meeting like this.” Saeran rubbed his sore cheekbone. “He’s kind of an asshole, but I’d probably be dead without him. Making peace with my past was recommended by my therapist. So here I am.” 

“I suppose I derailed that.” inside her room, Rika sat up from the blankets and rocked dizzily back and forth. “I’m not apologizing.” 

“I’m not asking you to. I never did.” 

V looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “You should.” 

“Mm, probably. But it’d feel fake. I was so out of it for so long, I’d forgotten what it even felt like to be in my right mind, everything I should be held accountable for just… doesn’t feel real. Can’t feel remorse for something it doesn’t feel like I did.” 

V hummed and turned back to Rika. “So what do you feel?” 

“Empathy for everyone that was hurting. Solidarity with everyone she used. Anger at my situation, anger at myself. Getting better about that though.” Saeran tapped his knee, thinking. “Hm… I’m pretty annoyed with you now that you’re alive again. I know it wasn’t your fault, but you could have done something to stop what happened, and didn’t. You knew what was happening and you just sat by and let it.” 

“Don’t go accusing me. You know full well that I was just as manipulated by her and controlled-” 

“Horseshit!” he snapped. “You knew what she was from the start and convinced yourself you were ok with that, you knew what you were turning a blind eye to- pun not intended- even if you were so stuck under her thumb at the end of it.” 

V looked like he wanted to say something back, but the door opened and Yoosung stepped back in again. “It’s been two minutes.” Before V could speak over him again, Saeran patted the seat beside him. 

“You’re right. Come on in.” he could sense the irritation from V beside him, but pointedly ignored it in favor of linking his fingers with Yoosung’s while he took the seat beside.

“Are you alright?” His hands were soft and holding them brought a warm feeling to Saeran’s chest. It was still a new feeling, being so happy, but he was learning to get used to it. 

“Yeah. I’m good.” and he was. 

Yoosung clearly had no desire to talk to V, proof that some things would never change. V made no attempt to engage him, proof that some things did change. 

There was a short silence before V eventually spoke up. “You told me how you felt about your situation and me, but what about Rika?” Saeran looked back up at the woman behind the glass. “What do you feel for her?” 

He watched her stare at the ceiling miserably, mumbling to some unseen figure while tears gathered in her eyes before spilling down her cheeks. Her eyes were already puffy and her face was blotchy with color, her long hair had been tied back but was still clearly dirty and unkempt. She looked pathetic. She looked lost. She looked nothing like the deranged cult leader that had controlled and manipulated her surroundings to fit her insane desires at the expense of hundreds of people, himself especially. 

She was nothing like the Rika he should have hated. He couldn’t possibly hate such a pitiful excuse of a human being, wasting away under her own shattered mental state. 

“Nothing.” Saeran finally said, “I feel nothing for her.” he couldn’t hate her, but he also couldn’t pity her and he definitely couldn’t be glad at her situation. Maybe she deserved what she got, and maybe another person might feel satisfied at knowing the person who took away their life was in such a state, but Saeran wasn’t another person. He’d had enough hate and pain for a lifetime. “I’m tired. Let’s go home.” 

“Huh?” Yoosung stood up with him. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. I should get ice or something on my face and there’s really nothing else for me here.” Saeran felt a pang of affection for Yoosung at the way he glared down at V when his steadily bruising cheek was mentioned. V made no sign that he was listening. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.” 

He tugged him towards the door, letting Yoosung open it. Saeyoung and MC were waiting just outside to stand up and greet him, both repeating Yoosung’s question of if he was sure he wanted to leave so soon. 

Saeran spared one look back into the room where V had sat back in his seat, not watching them go. 

“Yeah. Let’s go. I hate hospitals.” 


End file.
